One of the big mistakes people with a fear of public speaking make is they compare themselves with others, especially great speakers and they come up short.
Watch a TED talk on feeling confident on stage and see someone who used to be anxious perform and exude confidence and many will come away feeling worse then before. Of course some feel inspired by the example of others, the premise is if they can do it so can you.
Be yourself - everyone else is taken
I myself have shared in previous videos that I used to have a fear of public speaking, so if I can overcome a 30-year phobia anyone can, using the comparison to give an example of what can be is fine. But that’s not what most people with a phobia of public speaking do, they look at the gap between where they are now and the other person and see it as an insurmountable task.
Avoid as if you are allergic to it, making comparisons; whether that’s with great orators or Sam the sales director who gets up and makes funny impromptu speeches.
There’s nothing wrong with being inspired by someone’s style or modeling the stagecraft of others, what is a recipe for disaster is comparing how you are now to how they are and then having a “pity party”.
The only person worth comparing yourself with is yourself and you only do this so you can assess where there is room for improvement and how far you have already come.
Accepting who you are, how you perform NOW is the starting point from which you build up the skill, competency and confidence to speak in public.
Being yourself is integral to you feeling comfortable when talking and your audience feeling comfortable listening to you.
I mentioned in episode #8 part two about how “faking it till you make it” and how it's is a flawed strategy for learning a skill, there is another reason why faking it when giving a talk is a common mistake. No one likes a fake do they?
Have you ever seen someone on stage, TV, screen or You Tube who was trying too hard to be someone they clearly aren’t. It is apparent to the people you are talking to and audiences don’t trust or like a fake so DON’T DO IT.
Be comfortable with who you are. In this episode I will share with you a simple technique for appreciating, acknowledging and accepting who you are so you can experience the power of being you. From this place of self-acceptance then you can build skills and stagecraft by comparing and modeling what others do.
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